the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
