i think i have two assholes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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