girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
