I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
