I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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