It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
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luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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