Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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