I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
