Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
