it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize