its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
what day is it and did you see me today?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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