I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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