in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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