Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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