Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
