I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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