We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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