I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
