Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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