I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
