Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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