turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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