Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
