all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No subtext here. People are naked.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
