I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
