i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
