This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
