he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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