you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
