that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
