im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
