Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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