So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
