someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
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I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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