so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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