Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and she was petting her beer can
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
