Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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