I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
