We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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