omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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