Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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