i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
