I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
