I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
