He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
