I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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