I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
