ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
