i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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