Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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