forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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