you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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