What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
