Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
