So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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