god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Randomize
