the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
