Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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