Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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