dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
