chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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