There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
