Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
