You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Man, jail baloney is awful.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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