you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
