nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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