I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
