Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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