Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
