If i come over, it means nothing
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
