dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
