she woke up with a sticky ear
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
