i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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