i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
