She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
